A FF7 walkthrough
by moonshadowcat
Summary: A warning upfront: How to beat the game, not with me. But questions and answers inside. Aaaand, also a few laughter too.
1. The Beginning

**Ok if someone askpect to know how to beat FF7, wron. This are my thoughts and questions i ask myself as I played the game.**

Disclaimer: I do not own FF7 or square Enix

I can't write how someone whistles, so you guys think how I walked over a flea market whistling!

"Oh look books, I love to read. Have I, that too, oh god that I don't read, hey a new one!"

About 40 stands later.

"Oh children's stuff let's see if I find something for the daughter of my neighbor!"

Again 10 stands later.

"What is that? A play station game? Looks like Zelda plays *** so much (Name of the child eraised, see daughter) Only 5€ I take that!"

Much later at home.

"She is 8; let's see if that is something for her."

Note: I was in school, that's why those times.

A week later:

"Hey what did you guys though by that? Putting me a snake in the way I can't beat? Oh running goes too. Bäääähhhh. Shit! …Made it!"

A few evenings later.

"But….but they can't do this. Why? Ok we go on!"

"God darned! Is that hard. But I keep going!" talk about Corel.

Now enter the rest of the game and about a month.

"No is way too heavy for her! I keep that!"

Two month later, I'm on it again.

"Aha I knew there was more!"

"Whehe got the big Materia this time!"

"Who is this nerve? Oh there are more, let's see!"

"So that was Ultima, now what? Let's fly around. Cute how the Golden Saucer looks from here! What is that red thing? Hey! …. Darned!"

Ok this we do about 50 times.

"There must be something I can do!"

Now we put the rest of the game in, a few weeks later I got my PC.

"So and now we talk business. Google come here to me!"

A few weeks later showed a few men up in my street, has Google sent them? Who cares, I research further. Then I know how to beat Ruby and there's another one. Hah! But not with me, I start again.

A month later am I done with the game, richer as Bill Gates and lean back to enjoy the last scene in the game.

"That will show them to piss me off!"

Ok one little thing, my German game I loaned to a friend. Both disappeared, now I have the English Game and playing again. I need more stuff for my stories as you know! Grin.


	2. 20 Questions

First Question: Does FF7 make sense?

"Uhhh, must be a non answerable question. My first time playing, I am on the search for Aeris at the forgotten city. Damned, I must get up at 6 a.m. now it's midnight. Ok then we sent them to sleep and then I safe! Oh man, someone should tell me that!"

Second Question: Please see first question!

"Still first game: Northern cave. Stupid wind! Oh who are you? Ok we fight then! The second gap: Oh no not again! Hey wait a minute. After a while the third gap: Hah! You again! Easy!"

Explanation for those who never played before, uhh gives those people still?

Every time the same opponent!

Third Question: What did they thought?

"I ask myself the same! That is a children's game? But the scene, with Tifa on that airship! Let's say bra size, uhhh gives it that?"

Fourth Question: And now again third question!

"He's gone! And now, where is he? Hmm with Aeris I had to sleep, no damned does not work. Moment, what did Red say, ohhhh I have to talk to him. An island in the south. One look at map. Which?"

Fifth Question: I want a different question, not the third again.

"I found Cloud, but now Tifa is gone too. Cid is leader. And what now, oha Cait explain what I have to do! Great at least I know where to go! Ok, first Fort Condor, then Corel. Midgar Zolom I thank you, I learned to safe everywhere. After train wreck, what is this for a game?"

My sixth Question: Is only funny here in Germany

"Sometimes our translator had a blackout! Rufus changed his name in the German game to Brutus!"

Seventh Question: Is the game funny?

"Oh yes, the scene with Palmer and the truck, just hilarious. And the answers from the different groups to Cloud's question after the snowboard, just great.

Eight Question: Do you want to throw the game out the window?

"Of course! Try Ruby or Emerald Weapon at Level 40! (That was before Google, after Google easy!) And those Chocobos, a nightmare, but they get their own chapter."

Ninth question: Do we find everything?

"Ok I'm not. Still looking for the way to one box and a few Enemy skills. But I need help. If I came today to Gaia, I would never get lost, but that darned harpy at the grassland. I don't find it! So help me!"

Tenth question: Does Yuffie nerve?

"Yes, but we love her anyway!"

Eleventh question: Please look under one and two!

"Those games at the wonder square. Did anyone played them all? Is that answer enough! Please no explanations! Thank you!"

Twelfth question: Oh the translation again.

"The last stand at the northern cave! Wow I thought only Cloud does not open his mouth, great conversations! Either they had no more coffee or they had deadline!" (Ok have now English game, is not much better!)

Now one thing for my own: Those orange jumping balls at the northern cave, does anyone know the English or German Name from the original Japanese Name? Why? German Name: Laughing fit, English one not much better!

Thirteen question: How does that go?

"I pissed Google off, loaded about 250 pages down, and, but….Ok I do not understand it but here it is? Why is Red's grandfather a human? Brrrr even my Imagination strikes at that!"

Fourthteen question: Is really not a question, but…..

The Honey bee in Wall Mart. Those two rooms Cloud can enter, the one with the little boy and the other one where Cloud takes a bath with Mukki and his buddies. "Oh god my imagination!" But now my thoughts: "This is a game for children?"

""Maybe, but I hope they know what that is or are too young!"

Fifth teen question: What happened under the Highwind?

"No, I'm not explaining or I have to put the rating up!"

Seventeen question: That reminds me, where are my Buggy or Tiny Bronco?

"YUFFIE!"

Eighteen Question: Are all games the same?

"Nope, have now English Game. I found two new opponents. Let's see what else shows up, at the moment breed I again! Ok who wants a Chocobo? Got too many!"

Nineteen Question: Do the people thing you are crazy when you play it?

Yes, I'm full time in School. Learning windows outlook! Have the book with 76 pages and my plan in front of me on Monday Morning at 8 a.m. Then I get to the second to last task: Please open book at page 154! Huh? Lean to neighbor: "Do we have second book?" "Huh?" Ok then teacher, oh ok it does not fit anymore! Right!

Look at my watch: 2:30 p.m. at 4 p.m. is school out, ok then we make…

Tuesday 9 a.m. "Teacher do we have more tasks for this!" At 11 a.m. "Teacher do…." "You make the final test on Friday!" Huh? What do I do until then? Ok Internet I come! Expl: Had game at that time, but no PC!

Shit, no cheats sides open, what I do now? I read until Thursday 9 a.m. half of Wikipedia, then it hit me. The name, only the name. Now we see! WOW that many, but what is that? Final Fantasy Advent children? Never heard of that! Ohh it gives pictures, too! So I go to pictures.

Who is that? Cute, but somewhere I know him from? VINCENT? Now my neighbor looks strange, pfft I'm bored! Ok let's see if I find Cl….Oh man, he's soooo, nope the youngsters!

Hmm that were pictures, oh I have movies too? Hah I'm coming!

In our school was it forbidden to play online, so at 1 p.m. Teacher: "Mrs. (My Name) That's a game, you better close that!" I: "No! That's a movie and I watch that now. I'm bored!"

My neighbor changed places!

And the final question: Make Video games addicted?

"Let's see, I had the German game, now the English one. I have both movies! Write about the game and the movie! Maybe, but I think I open FF7 Anonymous. Who wants to join?"


	3. Sidequest and other stuff

We find Yuffie and Vincent:

Second time playing (At the first time I did not find Yuffie or Vincent, but managed to beat the game)

"Who is that? Aha, hey come back! Let's see! Got ya! Damned not again! But now!"

A question: Do we need Yuffie? Yes for Leviathan we have to have her, otherwise no! But I love the little nerve.

Later in game: "What a little brat!"

Cloud is in Mideel Tifa is leader: "Boobs? Wow.

Tifa and Cloud in Mideel: "Old man? Giggle Cid is leader!

Oh a kleptomaniac, I decide to open a therapy center, see also Cloud and Tifa in life stream and Vincent! I'm getting rich!

And now Vincent: Find in villa a safe! I find three numbers, but then…..Ok remember the forgotten city! Right! Invisible ink, ok we here in Europe think some people are a little strange, but those Japanese, no just crazy!

Ok open safe. I know I'm nosy. WOAH! After 10 minutes dead! And this four times. Ok I don't need to do this. Level 30

"I want to know what is in this safe!" Still nosy, but Level 48

"Cool a summon, what is that? And a key? For the toilet?" giggle was my first thought!"

One hour later: "Here is no toilet! Where did they g….I better quit thinking now!" No then I'm dead!

Oh here he fits! Coffins? Cool Dracula too I love this game! Open….Hey he's strange! An Emo! (Again Therapy)

Look he's coming! Vincent, cute but Emo!

Much later am I on those limit breaks. I love Chaos!

And I loved to see Vincent in those Chocobo Races, his garment must looked great, but sorry does not go! But in the arena is he not that good. Uhhh, does anyone know what this white cloth is for? Tell me please!

Oh while we are at the Golden Saucer:

Cloud's dates, had them all.

Aeris, everyone knows that one, suppose to be!

Barrett, after laughing fit is ok, but I need that not again.

Yuffie: Our little princess fights with the dragon. Go Yuffie. Then the gondola. Oh gosh is he still a virgin or what? Want to know dates? Ask me I answer in mail!

And now Tifa. All say always Cloud is so (Put in what you want), but Tifa. A barmaid. Hallo when a type looks sexy to me, make I a move!

At least under the Highwind did they do it then. No no it's too obvious! He's not anymore. Or do I have to say Honeybee. Mukki and his friends. Darned I must stop thinking those thoughts.

Ruby and Emerald:

What can I say to those?

For newcomers to this game! Are you nuts 1000000 or 750000 LP. And what do I get for this. A Chocobo. Gold number four!

For old Google experts: 4 or 6 minutes. Done, where is my Chocobo?

And not ShinRa took all the Materia out of Gaia, I did!

And that Barrett thing, never worked for me!

Now all who never played through look aside:

Even if you win not his last limit, at the final fight has Cloud it. So what is the arena for?

One Winter Sunday with a foot of snow did I have fun to bring all characters of Level 99 at the northern cave! Open next to Therapy center a Materia Store and a Pharmacy: All Materia at least three times on Master, the Summons too and 99 of Elixir, Tranquillizer, Hyper and much more!

Off to the Arena: So about 200 fights later: More Materia, other stuff, Omnislash hah! And a few other things I don't need. Look at my gil - enough a cloth store I open too.

A little Weapon and Accessories class

Look for the key to Sector 5. Find a? What is that? It can't be….Even the Japanese can't be that…..Ok who's is that? After 2 ½ hours can I play again (Laughing fit) Those Japanese are nuts. Cid has a mop! (Oh wait a minute my 120 Moments list, there it fits)

I won over Ultima, got Cloud's new sword, cool. Now I'm on my way in the forest. If I write a real walk through die all for laughter. Frogs, flies a huh? Car battery, why is that thing round? Oh a honey pot for a meat eating plant! OOOOOK! Again a summon and another sword? WHY? Now I'm lost!

Google is history, I have now Firefox: Those men I did not like, especially the one with the bald head and sunglasses, just a little joke. But now I understand, at the northern cave EP and AP double and triple. Great open a second store, every Materia triple or quadruple, all Master. Ok who needs some?

In my first game did I find my fist ribbon. A ribbon? No that's crazy. Cid with ribbon, no. Barrett, laughter. Vincent, no way and Cloud? I don't think so. Ok I give it to Yuffie. A fight with a frog later, how come…..Oh Yuffie give Cloud that ribbon! Darned I never get Mukki out of my head. Or is he really g….No I refuse to believe that. Now five ribbons later look I for a gay band. Oh god my thoughts are ruined for life.

That cursed ring, is not that good and you're dead. Does not make sense. Uhh I'm 47 and play children's game, does not make either!

A used PC who exploded at me and now my new one, am I expert in Accessories and weapons, but that mop? I still don't understand that!

Wall mart and Don Carneo.

Three possibilities and three dates.

Aeris – if he wants too

Tifa- By those eyes, grin, No wonder!

Those two are girls, we let them go. Now I got Cloud as the date. You have to find certain things to do this. Question what, sent mail I write back.

Now I have Cloud as date, by this speed do I never get done, but my stomach hurts for laughter. Talk about Cloud in woman's clothes. Now he's alone with Don Carneo. I tried this with different answers to Don Carneo, I know I'm nosy….Cloud don't do that! Darned I could get not the picture from Cloud in Sexy Underwear out of my head for days. (Thank god before AC) And no, Cloud is not gay! Now I said it and put my ranking up!

Ok to get that Tiara must we buy something from an automat at the Inn. A juice? I remember is children's game, but I having another idea. I hang another automat next to it. "Safe sex is better sex!" Please all under 18 forget that last sentence!

So let's see. I think I answered a few questions? Still got some, keep them to yourself or sent them to the other. And hands off of those ideas to make money, they are mine.

Oh jeah! I forgot! Brought during my second time at the game the movie, only AC that's why.

"Hey he's dead and he also! Rufus? Could be, we never saw him dead like his father. But Tseng, no he's definitely dead! Shot through my head as the helicopter showed up. We remember. The Temple, Tseng lies on ground, talks and gives me the key. Then he only groans a little. If you go out and back in, lies he still and does not groan anymore. RIP Tseng! And somewhere in the German game mentioned Elena I killed Tseng. That all shot through my head during and after the film. Where came Denzel from? (Only AC, that's why) Not the sword from Ultima but cool, also the bike! I want those! God those eyes! Sorry middle from film! Now back to the end. Why did Aeris send Tseng back too? Look at Temple, Tseng is dead!

Now I have the Complete, only in English to be exact.

Aha Rufus is philosopher, Kadaj Teenager do I have to say more! That's new, also that. Scene by the sword, now makes more sense, is much better. But was that Seph…..Now I know where Denzel came from. A wooden Chocobo, how do I breed that one? Oh I know those Limitbreaks, what else comes? God those eyes, ups I had that before, sorry! Again the translators, oh god I want to translate the next time into German. After many little different scenes the fight between Cloud, Jazoo and Loz. Cool Rude falls from the helicopter and Reno has the stick still in his hand. Now is Sephiroth there! Look under Cloud's eyes, but Sephies voice in English. Goosebumps. WOW! Ouch that must hurt. Aha now I knew how the wing came, OMG what does he do with Cloud? Blood? Cloud can bleed! It can't be, but still looks sexy. Ouch, my bones and his? Now the shot, blood again. Same end, ok almost."

But now a question, for those two minutes of blood could we German not buy this movie? Is over two years ago, now we can. But only on Blue ray! But I think this is the end now. I have my story for my 120 little moments. AND TSENG IS DEAD.


	4. The way to Gold

We all read the instructions at the internet before;

You need this and this Chocobo….Must be male and female. No kidding, but after Red's Grandfather, who knows?

Feed them this and this. "Ok I do!"

Now race them to Rank "B": "I will!"

After lots of races, now breed with…. "A nut, where do I get tha….Ok Google come to me!"

"Stupid dino! But now I have nuts!" grin!

First saving, then breeding. "You think I'm stupid?"

Ok it gives no wild Chocobos on Gaia, those are all mine I let go! Google again! Sight

Ohhh Rank "S" "I HATE TEIOH AND JOE"

Finally, now we breed again, I'm right those yellow ones are mine!

Think, think moon. Aha a light bulb! First breeding yellow, out and a few fights. Then I breed again.

Wheeeeeheeee a green one!

Not with me, I know better!

After the twelfth green and Google anger had I one idea!

"Oh shit let's see green male and female! Hey no one said that to me!"

A blue one! How come? No idea!

And now what! That game is definitely not for youngsters. Now inbreeding? Ok I do it! But first I need to race the blue one. Teioh and Joe, hah eat my dust!

Blue and green breeding. A black one! Cool at least one was right.

And now? No not aga….Wait that bird do I have!

Not again Rank "S", Ok we do it. Joe never showed up, seemed to be pouting!

Now Black and Yellow Hurray Gold! I made it!

And now the English game!

I caught the same bird, had the same food. Also the same Rank!

And then: Huh? And what is this now?

See German game, lots of yellow, a few green ones and no blue!

And now a blue one, but no green! But also no second blue one from a different gender!

Help I do not want to do Ruby or Emerald! But I guess I have too! I haven't given up yet.


	5. My last thoughts

Hopefully my last thoughts.

I found out what that mop is for! When you go back in the ShinRa HQ to get Cait's last weapon, is everywhere blood and bodies still to see. So Cid was the Janitor until he came with them!

And now before everyone kills me, I know Cid cusses once in a while in the game. But in the English Game Barrett at the beginning? Only little bleeps (I'm talking $/%&(§/$) and this man has a little daughter? Sorry Cid!

Read in the meantime "Ways to a smile" and got the explanation for Rufus and Tseng. But I don't know. But ok!

I'm done now with the English Game so I think I'm done with my thoughts too. If there are more if I play again, post I them later.

But one more thing. My friend has Final Fantasy 13 for the X-Box. Cool that game, my first time playing. An afro sixties type has a little bird in his hair. Color, the feathers, the noise? It can't be. They start that small? We remember, you could ride Chocobos. And again collect I thing I don't know for what I need them. Sight I see, the next one is FF13!

Oh one more thing. I finally found that harpy. So please no more mails!


End file.
